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Just Saying Hi

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Just Saying Hi

Post  psych on Thu Aug 27, 2009 7:45 am

I wanted to drop by to let all of you know that I miss you and think of you often. I hope things are going well for everyone here. For the members that are going through a rough time, I hope things get better for you soon.

I'm sorry I left without saying goodbye to all of you. I hope you can forgive me.
I was having a conflict with a member and I needed to get out. Being here was starting to become unhealthy for me because of the conflict. I hope you understand.

I still care about all of you a lot. I miss all of you a lot too.
J "psychstudent"
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Re: Just Saying Hi

Post  beautifulflower on Thu Aug 27, 2009 8:12 am

Hi psychstudent, good of you to pop in. I hope you are keeping well.

Blessings to you
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Re: Just Saying Hi

Post  sky on Thu Aug 27, 2009 9:23 am

psych wrote:I wanted to drop by to let all of you know that I miss you and think of you often. I hope things are going well for everyone here. For the members that are going through a rough time, I hope things get better for you soon.

I'm sorry I left without saying goodbye to all of you. I hope you can forgive me.
I was having a conflict with a member and I needed to get out. Being here was starting to become unhealthy for me because of the conflict. I hope you understand.

I still care about all of you a lot. I miss all of you a lot too.
J "psychstudent"

Hi J

When you are ready you are welcome to come back into your journal and, if you would like, you can talk about your problems and how it has felt for you here recently. All you have to do is ask to have your account re activated. No, we are not going to delete your account which is the only way your posts will show as guest as we feel it is unnecessary. If you wish not to post on the forum any more that is fine but it seems a shame that you have to say:
I was having a conflict with a member and I needed to get out.
as this leaves other members unsure as to who you are referring to and causes difficulties for you in that nothing can be spoken about or resolved and leaves others wondering what it's about or who you are referring to. If you wish to come back into the forum and discuss this you are welcome but here is not the place. We cannot mind read ok - it is the responsibility of individual members to state the problem so we can help if that is possible. I hope you can feel able to do that. If you choose to leave then i wish you well and much happiness for the future. I hear you were angry and that is ok and perhaps when that happens all you can do is to run - i do understand that.

With love and continued support

Sky xx


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Re: Just Saying Hi

Post  Guest on Thu Aug 27, 2009 10:35 am

I agree with sky.

I also cannot see the benefit of bringing this up [that you were having a conflict with a member of this forum] and then leaving again.
I feel strongly that if there is something/someone that has upset you [and that goes for everyone on this forum], which you would like to mention, to do so and name the person you are having a conflict with either on your thread so any misunderstandings or disagreements can be resolved with help of others AND the member involved as much as possible or try to sort it out with that person via pm in private.
But wanting to be deleted from the forum, then coming back under the guise of caring for others well-being and worrying about others well being because you have left so abruptly without saying good bye doesnt seem genuine to me.

From reading your last posts there is obviously something unresolved for you and I feel it would be much more productive and fair if you could stop 'dropping hints' without mentioniing names and rather have the guts to say what is really going on in your mind right now.

I feel that this forum and its staff are fair people and always give members a chance to voice their difficulties in a safe enough manner, whether it is with another member or staff.

Taking responsibility for how one is feeling and then voicing that can be a very scary thing to do and even feel dangerous. I know it is not an easy step to take yet I hope that you will at least give it a go.... otherwise... posts that 'drop hints' and play mind games [by beating around the bush, will be deleted.

I welcome you to be honest and share with us, or the person in question what is bothering you.
If you do not want to resolve things then I would suggest you do not mention this 'other member' any more.
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Re: Just Saying Hi

Post  J on Thu Aug 27, 2009 1:05 pm

I don't plan on saying anything more about the conflict or the member. I was giving the reason why I left so forum members wouldn't be left wondering why I left. That is all. There isn't any hint dropping in that. I'm being straightforward about why I left. I didn't even expect for there to be any replies. I'm not going to name names on an open forum, it's disrespectful. I don't think the conflict can be resolved, that's why I left.

I never stopped caring about the members on here. I never will. Leaving the forum was one of the most difficult decisions I've ever had to make and was really hard for me to do.

I didn't plan on this becoming a long drawn out discussion and I don't want it to end up being one. I was simply writing my goodbye note after the fact. If me doing this has offended or upset you or anyone else on here I'm sorry. It was never my intention. My intention was to give closure. If I've harmed anyone by coming back and posting why I left I'm sorry. I never meant and never mean to hurt anyone.

This is the last you will hear from me on this forum. I'm not going to play with people's emotions by coming and going. Playing with people's emotions hurts them. I don't want to hurt anyone.
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Re: Just Saying Hi

Post  Guest on Thu Aug 27, 2009 2:03 pm

I guess I have to agree to disagree with you.

I have learned that when in a group, and something is being brought into the group [like you did bring something into this 'group' by mentioning the conflict], you sort it out IN the group. That gives the member being talked about a chance to have a voice of his/her own.

It was a private matter before [I assume] and could have been dealt with in private perhaps with a mediator if neccessary.
That doesnt mean that it would have been resolved but there would have been a chance for both, you and the member involved, to have their feelings heard and to grow from this experience. Confrontation and disagreememnt does not always have to end in a negative way.

I do hear you saying that the reason for mentioning the conflict was for explaining purposes only. To me personally it didnt feel that way when I read your post.
Striaght forward, as you call it, would for me personally mean, to speak up as soon as something is bothering me. And to say it to the person involved. Not the whole group.

Perhaps you could have said that things are tough for you right now coming here and that you need some time away or you need to leave. But you didnt need to mention the 'conflict'.
If anyone would have liked to know the reason you were struggeling coming here... perhaps that would have been a good time to take all the courage and either start sharing who and what is bothering you. Or just leaving it at that. And we would need to respect that.

I didn't even expect for there to be any replies.
I dont feel you are being honest with me, but even more importantly with yourself.
You have been on this forum long enough to know that people will reply to you and that people WILL worry and look at themselves, wondering whether they are the person you are talking about. Wondering whether they are the perosn you have a problem with. So really, this is not done out of kindness and fairness, but I feel it is done out of selfish reasons. To get attention. Wanting attention is a very normal and healthy thing, but I would much rather prefer it if you would ask for what you want or need rather than playing games. That does not seem kind nor caring to me.


I never stopped caring about the members on here. I never will. Leaving the forum was one of the most difficult decisions I've ever had to make and was really hard for me to do.
So something really awful must have happened with another member for you to leave something so precious behind? Is that not another reason why you deserve the chance to voice your hurt and pain? It does seem very cruel to yourself to have to leave all those people who mean so much to you only because of one person.
Maybe you feel that it could never be resolved but you will never know unless you try.
From what I hear, you have nothing more to lose if you will leave this forum anyway.

I didn't plan on this becoming a long drawn out discussion and I don't want it to end up being one
If that was the case, you shouldnt have mentioned the conflict. You know how serious staff here take any alligations of mistreatment of members. If you didnt want a discussion, you could have mailed the admin, ask her to give a message to all members, perhaps even your email address if you wanted to stay in touch with some of the members and that would have been fine.
But by writing it on a 'discussion' board, you are inviting a discussion. I think it is important for you to own your part in this.


This is the last you will hear from me on this forum. I'm not going to play with people's emotions by coming and going....

I was giving the reason why I left so forum members wouldn't be left wondering why I left.
I think a simple "If anyone would like to stay in touch with me please email me at XXXXX would have done."

I feel it would be a pity if you left still carrying this unresolved pain with you. You deserve better. But of course it is up to you and you are in control about leaving or staying.
Your account is deactivated. If at any point you would like it to be actived again... you know where I am.
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Re: Just Saying Hi

Post  beautifulflower on Thu Aug 27, 2009 4:26 pm

Give her a break!

I don't know what the big deal is; she came here to say hi, and I wouldn't blame her if she went again after the hard time she is getting.

It would have been best left well alone.

And personally there is nothing worse than someone telling someone else how they should have acted or what they should have said. That is patronising.
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Re: Just Saying Hi

Post  sky on Mon Aug 31, 2009 8:50 am

Thank you for being honest J. This is not an appropriate place to discuss this. I have moved your last post into your journal and if you wish to discuss how you feel then it can be talked about there.

With love

Sky xx


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Re: Just Saying Hi

Post  psych on Tue Sep 01, 2009 1:58 am

I'm not sure what I want to do yet. I need to sort out my feelings before I make a decision.
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Re: Just Saying Hi

Post  psych on Tue Sep 01, 2009 6:12 am

Yeah, I'll talk about it. Now isn't a good time though. I had a really rough day yesterday. I was in a bus accident yesterday and I'm really emotional from it and not thinking clearly. I think I need time to get to a place where I feel safe again. The accident really shook me up.
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Re: Just Saying Hi

Post  sky on Tue Sep 01, 2009 7:56 am

I think it is important that we are clear that this is about your need and not mine nor anyone elses here. Nobody requires you to come back or to discuss anything ok. I was just making sure you know there is a space for you here if you need it. You are wanted here but we do not need you to look after us or do anything you don't want to do. If you feel this isn't a safe place for you then that is ok. It is the responsibility and choice of individual members as to whether using a site like this is appropriate.

With love

Sky xx


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Re: Just Saying Hi

Post  psych on Wed Sep 02, 2009 7:35 am

I'm a little confused sky about how this is just about my need. Maybe it's cuz I'm seeing it from a different perspective. What I do know is that I have friends on here that I miss and that I care about a lot. I also know that I set a boundary with you and that you violated that boundary. In my mind that means that this situation involves both of us, not just my feelings. I think that it's important that we both talk about it and work it out. I don't feel comfortable re-joining unless both of us can come to an agreement to talk about what happened.

So, what do you think about what I've said?
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Re: Just Saying Hi

Post  Wisdom on Wed Sep 02, 2009 11:42 am

I think what sky was trying to tell you is that there is a spot at the table for you should you want to be part of the meal.
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Re: Just Saying Hi

Post  sky on Wed Sep 02, 2009 3:20 pm

psych wrote:I'm a little confused sky about how this is just about my need. Maybe it's cuz I'm seeing it from a different perspective. What I do know is that I have friends on here that I miss and that I care about a lot. I also know that I set a boundary with you and that you violated that boundary. In my mind that means that this situation involves both of us, not just my feelings. I think that it's important that we both talk about it and work it out. I don't feel comfortable re-joining unless both of us can come to an agreement to talk about what happened.

So, what do you think about what I've said?

I meant it is your need as to whether you stay here, not mine. I will not get drawn into discussion with you here - that is my boundary.

If you wish to talk about how you feel then, as i have said already, you can ask to come back in and talk about it in the appropriate place. You can pm or e mail me on the forum address to request that i re activate your account. Then you can use your space to talk about how you feel.

I will speak no more about it here. Please respect the boundaries of this forum in that regard.

This thread is now locked.

Thank you.

Sky


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