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I am hurting so bad

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I am hurting so bad

Post  mmeg3450 on Sat Apr 11, 2009 5:35 pm

My child, 18, has left in anger and continues to hurt me tremendously. He is refusing to have anything to do with me. I don't know what I have done, he won't say, just says he is too angry to talk about it. He had been coming by for $10 now and then and I gave it to him,but he refuses to work so I told him I won't give him any more money. He blew up and was very ugly.

I am so depressed I don't think I can stand it. I take antidepressants, and the doctor doubled my dose, but I am no better. I want to just kill myself, but I am a teacher and we have state testing next week. I can't be out. I got depressed about that, because my obligations won't even let me do that. I don't wanat to hurt my family, but I need some relief. I called a friend to talk, and that helped some, but she was busy as it is Easter weekend. I just need someone to talk to, I think.

Evelyn
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Re: I am hurting so bad

Post  sky on Sat Apr 11, 2009 5:49 pm

mmeg3450 wrote:My child, 18, has left in anger and continues to hurt me tremendously. He is refusing to have anything to do with me. I don't know what I have done, he won't say, just says he is too angry to talk about it. He had been coming by for $10 now and then and I gave it to him,but he refuses to work so I told him I won't give him any more money. He blew up and was very ugly.

I am so depressed I don't think I can stand it. I take antidepressants, and the doctor doubled my dose, but I am no better. I want to just kill myself, but I am a teacher and we have state testing next week. I can't be out. I got depressed about that, because my obligations won't even let me do that. I don't wanat to hurt my family, but I need some relief. I called a friend to talk, and that helped some, but she was busy as it is Easter weekend. I just need someone to talk to, I think.

Evelyn

Dear Evelyn

I am so sorry you are hurting so badly. Teenagers can be very tricky and very selfish and your son sounds like he is! I think you have done the right thing in refusing to give him money - he needs to take responsibility for himself. You do not have to tolerate his abuse either. I know it is very painful when our children behave like this and want nothing to do with us. It is normal and sometimes they need to do that in order to become separate. I remember my mother using very wise words when i was having similar problems. She said 'hang in there, be firm and they will come back to you' - and she was right.

You sound very depressed and of course coping with a difficult teenager doesn't help with that. It's ok to let your son go and do what he needs to do and to focus on you. Coming here is the first step and you have managed to reach out - that is good. You can talk here just as much as you like and i wonder also if it might be possible to find a counsellor or support group in your area to help you? You say you feel you need to talk so perhaps that might be helpful too?

Here listening to you ok - and knowing you are having a hard time. Hang in there - you are not alone here.

Sky xx :D


Our lives are like the course of the sun. At the darkest moment there is the promise of daylight.
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Re: I am hurting so bad

Post  infinity on Sat Apr 11, 2009 5:52 pm

Hi Evelyn,

Teenagers can be so moody and can take out their anger on the wrong people. I'm sorry you're so depressed. It sounds like you just need a break and some relief. I hope you never do anything drastic. Life changes so frequently, and this problem won't last forever.

Gentle Hugs
Emma

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Re: I am hurting so bad

Post  Guest on Sat Apr 11, 2009 5:53 pm

I am so sorry you are having such a hard time Evelyn. I know that teenagers can be very difficult because of the changes they are going through. That can be very tough on the parent. Especially if there isnt a partner to back you up. Or is his dad still in the picture?
I am glad you are reaching out Evelyn. It is good to talk.

animus
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Re: I am hurting so bad

Post  shortbre on Sat Apr 11, 2009 6:12 pm

Hi Evelyn,

I'm glad you managed to come on here and just sound off...............living with teenagers can be difficult at the best of times, and when your not doing what they want it can be even worse.

It sounds like you just really need to be heard. You sound very isolated and at a point in your life where everything seems really dark. I would suggest that you maybe find yourself a counsellor/therapist who will offer you a safe place to be heard, valued and most of all where you will not feel judged or belittled for what is going on in your life.

Sometimes all we need is someone who will really listen and make us feel that what we have to say is worth some value!!!



Look after yourself and keep coming here, at least having this forum is better than no-one!!!


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Re: I am hurting so bad

Post  fairyjes on Sat Apr 11, 2009 6:25 pm

i am so sorry you feel so low.
hope your doing abit better.
xxxx
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Re: I am hurting so bad

Post  Misty on Sun Apr 12, 2009 1:56 am

Hi Evelyn

I am so glad you have come here!... I understand what you are going through more than you can imagine!...
My children are all grown up and married, with families of their own... but at one time I was just where you are now.. or maybe more?...

You see... I had three teenagers and one pre-teen at once!!!... affraid and no help at all!!...

We are here for you to offer you much support and comfort.. and you need as much as you can get right now...

I don't know how long you have been on your medication... but I know sometimes it takes three to four weeks to start working...
Keep the communication with your doctor open and honest... don't be afraid to talk with him or her.. and maybe ask if you can be referred for some counseling...
I don't think I would have been able to get through my kids teenager years without the help of a therapist and some family counseling... it was one of the most difficult periods of my life... but I made it!..

I know you will get through anything with a little help...

Keep reaching out for help here... there are many understanding and friendly souls here.

:loveu: With loving hugs :loveu:

~ ~ Misty ~ ~


Last edited by Misty on Tue Apr 21, 2009 4:52 pm; edited 1 time in total

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Re: I am hurting so bad

Post  Guest on Mon Apr 13, 2009 1:22 pm

Hi Evelyn,
it saddens me to read about your problems, my heart does go out to you, for in a lot of ways I'm in the same boat as you. It is very sad at times, that we can choose our friends, but not our family.

But sometimes you have to be realistic and draw a line, for if you don't you will be dragged down so far that you will not be able to survive. Life can be very cruel especially with kids. Adopting a "tough love" attidude may be what you need to do now.

I know it can be hard, but in my humble opinion, it could be the best thing to do for both your son and yourself.

Coming here is a positive step on your part, the members here will listen and support you as best as they can. Don't be afraid to vent, for it helps to release all the pressure that builds up within, dwelling in ones own head for too long is not productive.

I hope you have a better day and life starts to smle on you very soon.

Hugs. :)
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Re: I am hurting so bad

Post  deesharon on Sun Apr 19, 2009 10:50 pm

Hi Evelyn,
I feel your pain because I've been there and twenty years later it doesn't look any better for a thirty-eight year old. Oh if I knew than what I know now. Now it's all on him except he needs the same from me today that he did then. He needs to see me doing well in a purposeful life, not just earning a living but a personal purpose. Most of all he needs to expect the same rational response from me that he would get from anyone else he does not respect. He needs to see my caring about myself and people who are really in need. No more hand outs to selfish people. He needs to see my self respect and interest in putting myself out for the less fortunate and keeping alert to users. Most of all he needs a contented mother in spite of what ever he wants for himself.

Our kids know we love them and that is their ace. They need to lose the ace and lose the game. Only Mom can help them do that by showing them we are passionately involved in a meaningful purpose. Don't underestimate the power of the same sex parent. My sons had a very selfish same sex parent.

If you don't expect anything from your children when they are children, they become entitlement monsters.

You can be hopeful because of his age if you become what he is not.

Let me suggest a sight for more interaction at [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.]

We teach people how to treat us when we either except or reject the unacceptable.

Don't take the blame. Other people impacted those developmental years and especially the men during those first five. You're in education so you really know.

Get dedicated and passionate and too busy doing something that matters with no need for your son's approval or input.

Take care, Sharon

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Re: I am hurting so bad

Post  Mothgirl on Mon Apr 20, 2009 2:47 am

I wanted to let you know, youve done the right thing refusing to give him anymore money. I'm only 20, and I remember going through similar things as this with my mum. When I was a few years younger I was very demanding, and as I hadn't had to have to take care of myself before, I had no idea where money came from and how hard things could be. Looking back on it, I was very demanding, ignorant and selfish, but at the time I felt everything was unfair, I didn't understand at all why my mum refused me even just a measley amount of money.

But I thank her for it now, I understand why she did things like that, and the push to fend for myself was the thing I needed at the time. Tough love I guess. :P

Just know that you're doing the right thing, try not to blame yourself, your kids can tell when you feel down, and I'm sure your son will be waiting for you to appologise if he sees you looking remorseful and upset. It may annoy him more. Try to treat it as nothing, not a big deal at all. He'll get over the drama and come back to you, hopefully a much more responsible and considerate person. Just make sure you're there for him when he does. :)

I hope you feel better, and try other methods than just medication to treat your depression, such as relaxation tapes, a new hobby, baths or walks. I know it's hard to find time being a teacher, (my mum's a teacher too), but most teachers choose their profession because they're caring and empathic people who want to help others. So trust your own judgement, don't blame yourself, hold you head high and set a good example for your son, when he sees you feeling better and getting on without him, he'll want to come back to following your ways. :)
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Re: I am hurting so bad

Post  Wisdom on Mon Apr 20, 2009 3:39 am

I can understand what your going thru with your teenager. I have 3 boys 11, 15, 16. Demanding the car keys, money and extra privileges, backtalk and no job. I know its all part of the territory of being a parent and all part of the process of being a kid/young adult.

My suggestion is to keep setting limits. Don't be intimidated. Taking care of yourself should be your priority. Know that your not alone in this.

Wretched children

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