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Worn out

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Worn out

Post  tenzin on Mon Mar 08, 2010 8:58 pm

First topic message reminder :

Completley exhausted .
My grans lived with us for 13 months now and has dementia and altzhimers plus austio arthuritus , dreadful mobility plus numerous other problems .
Im absolutley exausted right now .
Shes been in for respite twice for a total of 7 days in 13 months . We get no backing from faimly whatsoever , not even one have offered any help once , not taken her out "nothing .
Every time i take her to the doctors or hospital she picks up a virus , chest or water infection then her altzhimers MAGNIFYS . She can become lazy - aggressive and dam right rude . Her attitude is testing and im being polite .
We have 3 kids who are all still young and i currently feel shattered with everything in life .
My only family memeber who was an adult bar my wife that i could talk to was my grandfather " he was tremendous and i miss him dearly . Cause my grans dementia and aggressive mood swings over the years shes kinda put my grandfathers siblings off visiting so i get no support from them .

The social workers are 99% useless , we had one for 9 months , i spoke to her once in all that time . She then dropped us off her list and we were apparantly given a new one , wasn't informed for 3 months . Then a another and i've been trying to contact him for 3 weeks now to book respite as i have to go through social services . He hasn't contacted me once , his college informed me there snowed under and trying their best .
We have booked up our first 3 day holiday in 3 years for next month and now i can't book the respite cause this social worker hasn't got in touch .
Last monht me nan was mean't to go for a 3 day break at respite and when i got their they informed me they had sickness and diorreah . They didn't phone and let me know , so it was yet another moth that went bye without a rest ..

I feel so drained and my wife is feeling it too now .
What with the lack of help , assistance from family and social care , the constant early morning washing of bed linen , washing her , cooking cleaning , medication , watching every move as she attends the lavetry as she forgets whats shes suppose to be doing i could jump off a bridge .
We have 3 young kids and although were doing all we can to meet everyones needs , ours are being neglected at the moment and i feel like im chasing shadows ..

When me nans health is o.k , life is good as she can get to and from the toilet plus pull her pads up . Right now it's dreaful and like caring for a mentaly poorly child who forgets what you said to them 5 seconds ago ..

While i have air in me lungs i'll do all i can to keep nanny with us as she was a brialliant nan to me when i was growing up , she took care of me from a very tender age along with my granpa ..

Its just very hard right now and i thought i'd come here and get my feelings off my chest ..
Thanks guys x

tenzin

Join date : 2009-04-12

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Re: Worn out

Post  Bets on Mon Mar 15, 2010 4:21 pm

[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.] tenzin,

it is so scary when you have no control over what is going on. i am sorry your nan is worse. do they talk about when she might be able to go home with you? maybe you should talk to some higher authority and complain about the care she is getting. when patients have devoted care givers that are with them it can kind of scare staff into providing better services.

thanks for giving us the update. try not to be hard on yourself over this. you cant help she has to be there and it doesnt do any good for you to beat yourself up over when you have no control. your plate is too full already.

my heart goes out to you and all you and your family are going through. you are truly a good person.
bets

Bets

Join date : 2009-12-27

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Re: Worn out

Post  tenzin on Mon Mar 15, 2010 6:32 pm

Thanks Bets

Can't relax at all , keep thinking everything over and over again , all boils down to the Care staff at the Hospital helping Nan right now .
I half want to drive back up there but it's another hour and a half trip and i have a young family who need me here too , can't neglect them it's just not fair .
Tomorrow im going to try and find a doctor to speak to Yet again , already spoke to 2 on Thursday and Friday , both gave different views , its as if there so Blazzahee about paitents who have Dementia , they clearly get hardened to it all . The fact is people should at least deserve a right to be given the best of care our society can offer whilst there alive .
As for nan coming home , it's not looking lightly soon as shes not improved at all . Dehydration is a very serious issue with Alzhimers and Dementia , infact it's dangerous for anyone let alone a poorly person . I thought she'd only be in for 3-4 days MAX , it's 5 days today and shes not improving .

Feel like im chasing shadows now .

tenzin

Join date : 2009-04-12

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Re: Worn out

Post  Wisdom on Tue Mar 16, 2010 1:10 am

Do you live in the USA?

Wisdom

Join date : 2009-04-11

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Re: Worn out

Post  tenzin on Tue Mar 16, 2010 5:39 pm

Live in England Wiz

Shes perked up today , think my words helped no end yesterday afternoon as she was Hydrated today and alot better . Also spoke to a doctor and things are heading in the right direction .
What a reielf , i love her so deeply even though shes not the nan she once was what with her memory loss , but i owe it to her to make sure she gets the best quality life i can offer .
Yesterday i could of cried all day , also felt so angry towards one of the nurses and even though i didn't realise this peticular nurse was pulled in and disaplined today for her rudeness and attitude towards an Alzimers paitent and myself .

You guys have helped me more than you'll ever know , " all of you and i thanks you from a deep part of my heart for listening to my pain recently .
At least today theres no thunder storms in my heart , theres some light and less depression ..


xx

tenzin

Join date : 2009-04-12

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Re: Worn out

Post  sky on Tue Mar 16, 2010 6:01 pm



Our lives are like the course of the sun. At the darkest moment there is the promise of daylight.
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Re: Worn out

Post  Wisdom on Tue Mar 16, 2010 6:44 pm

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Re: Worn out

Post  psychstudent09 on Wed Mar 17, 2010 9:01 am

[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.] I hope things keep moving in the direction they are for you and your nan.
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Re: Worn out

Post  tenzin on Thu Mar 18, 2010 4:48 pm

Nans sat up today and was alot brighter , hopefully in he next week or two we can bring her home . Fingers crossed ..

My days not been so good , had a terrible tooth ache for the last 3 days and went to the dentist today , turns out it was an absess , so the dentist drilled down and sorted it out , i can tell you it hurt Big time . All day it's hurt and now is acheing and swollen . To make it worse i had to fix our bench and hit my thum with the hammer , bang in the middle [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.] got a black thumb too now .

Not bothered about all that even though i've been in alot of physcial pain , its what goes on in ones head thats the real issue and feeling at one with whatever life throws at us .
All is calm and once again i thanks all of you for your kind words that have helped me through some dark times xx

tenzin

Join date : 2009-04-12

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Re: Worn out

Post  Bets on Fri Mar 19, 2010 12:35 am

it's good to hear about your nan. I am glad she is doing better.

poor tooth, poor thumb. it sounds like you have a good attitude though. that is what counts!

we also thank you for coming and sharing your life with us.

bets

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Join date : 2009-12-27
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Re: Worn out

Post  sky on Fri Mar 19, 2010 7:13 am

Sounds like your body is carrying some of your pain for you Tenzin. I hope the pain eases soon.

Good to hear nan is doing better now.

Hugs

Sky xx [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]


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Re: Worn out

Post  tenzin on Sat Mar 20, 2010 9:04 am

Thumbs o.k now , but tooth is hurting alot .

Yesterdays trip to the hospital was good and bad .
Good cause nans feeling much better each day , eating well and talking better too.
Bad cause when i asked her to work with the physios she gave me lots of abuse and refused to play ball . The nurses said she point blank refuses to work with them at all . They want her back on her feet before she leaves hospital as it's back breaking work for us at home . I was very gentle asking her but her choice of words wasn't good infront of all the paitents in hospital . Majority of people don't understand Altzhimers so it gets a little embarrasing .
Going to try and not go today and have a break from it , that way she may just ralise she needs to buck her ideas up .
She did say she wanted to come home yesterday , but like i said when i told her she needed to walk i was told go mine my own buisness in so many words .

Having 24 hours away from it all may freshern me up . Everything can seem to become dark and clouded otherwise .

tenzin

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Re: Worn out

Post  sky on Sat Mar 20, 2010 11:17 am

That sounds very difficult and frustrating Tenzin. I am glad you can give yourself a break.

I hope the physios can get nan back on her feet again soon. I also hope your toothache eases.

Sky xx [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]


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Re: Worn out

Post  psychstudent09 on Sat Mar 20, 2010 1:08 pm

I'm really glad that your nan is doing better. I'm extremely glad that you're taking care of yourself. [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]
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Re: Worn out

Post  little red on Sun Mar 21, 2010 12:08 pm

Its sounds like you are going through a very difficult time Tenzin. I am glad to hear you nan is doing better now, I hope you are able to take care of yourself too.

Your right Altzheimers isnt understood by many people which can make it more difficult, its a terribly destructive disease. I work with people with altzheimers and my heart goes out to their families and friends. My heart goes out to you Tenzin, it sounds like you are doing your best to support and care for you nan.

I hope you toothache gets better soon and you are able to have a much deserved break whilst you nan gets back on her feet in hospital

With love and care

Leanne xx
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Re: Worn out

Post  tenzin on Sun Mar 28, 2010 8:13 pm

Thankyou for all the kind words ...

Friday i went to the hospital and got involved with the pysios , they were surprised at how nan responded to me being there . Felt chuffed to bits and had a nice hour and a half there , nan was in lovely .
Very busy Saturday so couldn't get up there .
Went up today and she was not good company , a little dehydrated and prickley , my little children all went in happy and within 30 minutes we were all fed up so left early . Felt depressed but there was no point stopping with her being so awkward .
Me tooth ache is feeling 99% better thanks .

Just don't know what to do for the best , do i bring her home and try and get her up on her feet , breaking my back each day . Or do i leave her in the hands of people who should be able to get her back but take a chance of letting her muscles waste away even more .
No family support whatsoever bar my wife . Thing is we have 3 little children so times limited anyway and i feel exhausted alot of the time even when nan was walking slow .
Feel like screaming today as i left the hospital early and know nan is alone there . Just wish she would listen and respond to what i say to help her get back on her feet .Its a battle that i seem to be losing right now .

Feel alot of nervous energy .
Her son whos not interesting in anything bar money phoned today and quacked on about my nans income and estate today .
The guy has no interest in her , her health or spending any time with her , he even had the cheek to ask if the doctors have ever said to me " how long they think she'll live for . I just kept quiet but shook my head in discust on the phone .

Every where i seem to turn is a dead end with nan right now . What makes it worse is " it feels like the sharks are looming now .

I just can't get my breath this evening and don't know what to do for the best .

tenzin

Join date : 2009-04-12

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Re: Worn out

Post  sky on Mon Mar 29, 2010 5:45 pm

It's ok to put yourself and young family first without feeling gulity. Nan is in good hands - allow her to get the help she needs and ask yourself what it is you need so you can do what is best for you and everyone else. If you don't put self first then you can't be properly there for anyone. She isn't easy to care for and totally ungrateful (as is the nature of the disease). And looking after Nan will only get worse - it's not going to get any easier. It's not your responsibility.Trouble is, if you allow it, the hospital and her son will allow you to take the strain to the detriment of yourself.

Take good care of YOU. Nan is ok where she is and it's ok not to feel you have to take care of her at home.

With love and continued support

Sky xx [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]


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Re: Worn out

Post  tenzin on Mon Mar 29, 2010 9:44 pm

Sky , that really is wonderful advice and i hear you Loud and clear .

Went today and spent time with nan and the pysios and it went really well .
Not heard from any family , they don't visit her or even ask how she is to be honest .
I love her dearly and just want her to have the best of life i can provide , but at imes it feels like i want to walk for her . The hospitals are trying to get her back on her feet and i know the pysios understand how to deal with her after me expaling 7 times that dementia paitents can't have choices , you have to make them for them or they'll always take the wrong one in as far as pushing themselfs .

I agree about not feeling Guilty but she has nodoby bar me to love and care for her and she NEVER once let me down as a child when i had nobody bar her and me granpa . They really were great [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

Also agree that the hospital would probably be glad if i brought her home and tried to get her back on her feet , the FACT is it's back breaking for me without the machines the hospitals have . As for her son , it sadens me to think that some people only think of themselfs and the money they can take from family members .

At least today was better and theres light at the end of the tunnel ," guess you know Dementia is like weather though and tomorrow will be another day .

I so wish i could of saved my granpa from dying , it still troubles me , especially at times like this when talking to him was so comforting . I miss him dearly but have finally excepted hes not coming back .

tenzin

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Re: Worn out

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